Saucy Secrets
by Branwyn Snape
Summary: Co-written by Dawniky: Arthur and Lucius are secret lovers and they are caught one night doing saucy things and get told off by a jealous Sev. Written for humour! Please don't flame, will only laugh and point. FINISHED


**Title:** Eyebrow Raising Stories

**Author's name:** Dawniky and Sarah Snape

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Harry Potter. We only own the strange and saucy plot.

**Author's note: **Please do not flame this story! It was written out of an impulse of madness and sugar by Dawniky and Sarah Snape. It's a Lucius/Arthur one with scenes taken from Chamber of Secrets book and then movie. _*Ducks knives being thrown*_ this was only written for humour and madness. We like the madness.

**Saucy Secrets**

_At Flourish and Blotts one day…_

Arthur Weasley had many secrets as of course we all do but this secret was worse, it was so saucy that it made tomato ketchup look bland! For you see, no one knew his secret, if his secret was exposed he wouldn't only lose his wife and children but his respect. Only one person knew what _really_ happened that day in Knockturn Alley; in the cupboard of a saucy shop with saucy apparatus.

And that man's name was Lucius Malfoy.

Arthur wasn't proud of what they did. Hell, he wish it never happened but Merlin! Lucius's hair was so soft and silky (new conditioner) and his body… unlike anything he had seen before! So you can image how Arthur felt when he saw that blonde vixen walk into Flourish and Blotts with his young son Draco.

Arthur's stomach flipped over like a pancake on a frying pan and he had trouble trying not to blush or sweat too much, especially with his wife Molly standing right next to him.

"Oh no," said Molly, rolling her eyes. "That awful Lucius Malfoy has just come in."

Arthur coughed, "I'll go and take the kids out shall I?"

"Yes I think that would be wise, Arthur dear," Molly said, turning her gaze back to Gilderoy Lockhart, the man she had been secretly seeing for the past nine months. A girl gets bored when the kids are at Hogwarts and Arthur's at work all day.

Arthur tried not to look at Lucius as he walked over to his lover, he put his hands on the backs of his twin sons Fred and George and led them over to where the rest of his children were, "Ron! What are you doing?" Arthur's eyes darted up to Lucius for a second and then back to his youngest son, "it's mad in here, let's get outside."

"Well, well, well - Arthur Weasley," Lucius said, his teeth gritted, he wasn't expecting to see Arthur so soon after what happened at the club. Lucius put his hand on his son's shoulder and sneered at Arthur and his family.

"Lucius," Arthur said, nodding coldly.

"Busy time at the Ministry I hear," said Lucius, "All those raids… I hope they're paying you overtime." Lucius reached over and pulled out one of Arthur's daughter's school books and looked at it, "Obviously not, what's the use of being a disgrace to the name of wizard if they don't even pay you for it?"

Arthur flushed, how could Lucius be so cold toward him when the other night had been so hot? Arthur knew that they both had to act as though nothing was going on between them but that hurt!

"We have a very different idea what disgraces the name of wizard, _Malfoy," Arthur said, raising his eyebrows._

Lucius flushed pink and coughed, "Clearly." Lucius darted his eyes over to where Arthur's wife was standing and talking to a couple… a couple of Muggles! Arthur turned to see what Lucius was looking at, Mr Granger noticed the two men looking at them and he smiled back. Lucius was shocked! Had Arthur found someone new? He could he forget the nights so easily?!

"The company you keep, Weasley… And I thought your family could sink no lower," Lucius said. Arthur tilted his head and lowered his eyebrows. "I'll see you at work," Lucius turned his gaze from Arthur to Draco, "Come, Draco."

Lucius waited at the door for Draco to walk past Potter and say, "See you at school" and then raise his eyebrows at Potter's friend before joining him at the door and exiting the shop.

Arthur held back the tears and watched Lucius leave; he always left! Why?

~*~

_The Burrow, later that day…_

Ron Weasley was making his way up to bed and stopped half way up the wooden stairs when he heard muffled crying from his parent's room. He knew it wasn't his mother as she was at a cooking lesson which she attended nearly every night now. It was quite strange but Molly had always loved cooking.

Ron opened the door to his parent's room slowly and saw his dad sitting on the bed holding his head in his hands and crying.

"_Why?! __Oh why? For the love of Merlin, why?!" Arthur wailed._

"Dad?" Ron asked timidly. "What's wrong?"

Arthur's head shot up faster than Lucius used to. "Ron! What-what are you doing in here?" he said, his voice an octave higher than usual.

"I heard crying, what's wrong?" Ron asked.

"Nothing," Arthur said, "What makes you think anything's wrong?" he asked hysterically. Ron raised his eyebrows which reminded Arthur of Lucius. "Don't raise your eyebrows at me, young man! That's it!" Arthur stood up, pointing at the door, "Go to your room!"

Ron looked stunned and obeyed his father, leaving Arthur alone in his room. Arthur sighed in despair, remembering why he was crying. It had only happened two nights ago but the images were clear in his mind.

~*~

_Two Nights ago in the 'Brian's Shag House'…_

Severus Snape was prowling the corridors of the gay men's club looking for Lucius and Arthur. He was outraged! Not only had Lucius turned Severus down for a night of passion but now he was in the newest issue of _Saucy Today_ with that Muggle-loving Arthur Weasley! They were caught 'getting it on' somewhere that wasn't Brian's Shag House (The house was for secret gay men and their secret gay lovers).

Severus turned the corner and could hear moaning and grunting coming from room twenty-three B. Curling his lip he knocked on the door and after a few minutes of struggling sounds, the door opened and Lucius… _naked_ Lucius answered, with only Arthur's cool hat he liked to wear to Diagon Alley covering his man-hood.

"Yes?" Lucius asked, sounding disgruntled.

"My office. Five minutes," Severus said, his face heating up.

"Lucy, who's at the door?" came a voice from inside.

Lucius turned his head and said, "Severus, he wants to see us in his office."

"How saucy," Arthur said. "I'll get dressed."

~*~

_Severus Snape's Office at Brian's Shag house, room Sixty Six D…_

Severus had _Saucy Today held up and thrust it upon the table in anger, showing the headline 'Saucy goings on in Knockturn Alley!'. "You were seen, by no less than seven witches… Do you have any idea how serious this is?" Severus turned to Arthur, "You have risked the exposure of our club! Not to mention the damage you inflicted on Lucius's __Whomping Willow that been on him since before you were born!"_

"Honesty Sev, I think he did more damage to me," Arthur said, winking at Lucius.

"_Silence!" Severus snapped, "I assure you that were I club president, and your fate rested with me, the both of you would be out of the club – _tonight_!" Severus licked his lips, "As it is…"_

"… You are not," said a voice from the door. It was Albus Dumbledore, better known as Brian!

"Brian," Lucius said.

"President," Severus said, bowing slightly. He stuck his arm out and pointed at the pair of men, his finger slightly bend at the end. "These men have flouted section eight-five, paragraph D, line twenty one of the charter, as such!"

Severus was cut off by Brian saying, "I am well aware of our rules, Severus, having written them… myself." Severus scowled at Brian, damn him! Damn them all! Brian turned to Arthur and Lucius and said, "I must impress on you the seriousness and sauciness of what you have done and I will be putting you both on report and both of you will receive a spanking."

Arthur and Lucius looked down at the floor and nodded. "It's only fair," Arthur said.

~*~

_Back at the Burrow in the kitchen at __sixteen past three__ in the morning…_

Molly had returned home from 'cooking' at midnight looking flushed and happy. Arthur retreated to the kitchen where he was eating double chocolate-chip-fudge-mint-Butterbeer-ice-cream and crying to himself again. The ice-cream was the only thing to numb the pain! It was his idea to do those saucy and naughty things in Knockturn Alley and now poor Lucius was mad at him!

Oh what would he do without his Lucy-bear?

He then heard a soft voice from the fireplace, "Arthur?" it asked. Arthur walked over to the fireplace, wiping his eyes, it was Lucius!

"Lucy!" Arthur breathed.

"Yes, love, it's me," Lucius's was grinning and there was love in his eyes.

"What are you doing?" Arthur asked, Lucius never called him at home in case one of the children or Molly got there first.

"I've done it," Lucius said happily. "I've left Narcissa." Lucius had been saying he would for weeks but he had never done it.

"You have?" Arthur asked. "Why?"

"For you of course!" Lucius said. "Brian got me a room in the Shag House, he said we could live there!"

"He did?" Arthur asked. Lucius nodded. "But I can't leave… my children… Molly…" Arthur looked deep in thought and then said, "Alright! I'll do it!" Lucius's grin widened.

"Stand back!" Lucius said. Arthur did as he was told as Lucius stepped out of the fireplace into the Burrow. "I love you!"

"I love you too!" Arthur said, the tears were back as he walked over to Lucius and wrapped his arms around Lucius's frame and pulled him close, kissing him. At first soft and then hard; Lucius liked things hard.

The next night while Molly was at her 'cooking' class, Arthur moved his things out and into his new home at; Brian's Shag House, room sixty-nine X, third floor, next to the kitchen.

And they lived happily and saucily ever after.

**The End**

~*~*~*~

**Author's Note:** I'm sorry for this story. But isn't it sweet?


End file.
